Progress

I’m probably in the healthiest mental state I have ever been in my life, right now.  I’ve struggled with depression to the point of suicide ideation and anxiety that has given me panic attacks when I’m on the way to work.  I still struggle daily with both, but in much less threatening quantities and I’ve gotten to this point by asking myself “what is making me unhappy and what can I do to change that?”

Not writing enough was one of those things so writing more went straight to the top of my to do list.  In the past year and a half, I’ve finished two manuscripts (one of them already partially written that I revived from the grave) and written 50,000 words of another that will probably end up being much, much longer than that.

Socially, I’ve withdrawn a lot and that has taken a toll on my social media interaction, but done wonders for my anxiety.  I have a very socially taxing job (I’m a barista in management) and I put almost all of my social energy into being present there every week.

Another facet of anxiety is that I second guess myself constantly when it comes to talking about my writing.  I never know what to share, what is too much to share, and if people are/will be even interested.  I feel like my writing process, being a complete pantser, is fairly boring and I don’t know what advice to give to people.  I know it’s in there somewhere, I just don’t know how to dig it out.  After all, I would hope that my BA in Creative Writing that taught me so much about writing that I still use would produce something useful that I could share with others.

So this is my attempt to revive this blog and post more about my writing and writing in general.  I started this blog to talk about why I write and why writing is important to me and other people.  I’m in the middle of rewriting the first novel in my original fantasy series so I think I’ll start blogging about that process.  I’m about halfway through the rewrite and I’ve discovered a lot about myself as a writer and how far I’ve come since I first put the idea down on paper.  Perhaps someone will find something that speaks to them in my process.  While it’s gotten manageable, the anxiety is still there and its hard to put myself out there, but I think it’s important, since I shouldn’t discount the importance of my own words.  I’m a writer, after all, if I don’t take myself seriously, why should anyone else?

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